Dating

“What is the ideal age to get married?” We had discussed the pressures on girls to succeed in the state-mandated definition of success which is to be trained for a necessary ‘profession’. The natural definition of success for a girl is to become a good mother of a family. I replied that in nature and in the distant past it would have been thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen years for girls. I replied that for boys, it was probably fifteen, sixteen, seventeen which is a year or so later. However, the question suggests that she is applying logic, but logic does not control these actions. She cannot determine a date for marriage. She has to find a man that likes and trusts her enough to ask her to marry her. I added the trust component for a reason. When I was young, marriage was a monumental decision for us males. We could apply logic to it but logic and love do not mix well. Marriage to us half a century ago was a monumental commitment. Divorce was not in our minds. I don’t recollect knowing of any divorces during my youth. Marriage was a life long commitment. Girls were very different. They tended towards politeness and I don’t recollect getting a foul-mouthed reply when greeting a girl or woman. The discussions these days are more likely to be along the lines of ‘will it work?’ I’m treading on difficult ground here. The modern discussion suggests males are fearful of divorce and the way the state apparatus treats males. Marriage has gone wrong since the government took control of marriage. Without going into detail, the task of getting a man to propose to you just got a lot harder. I often say: “It is easy to get a man to jump into bed with you, but how long will it take to get a man to trust you enough to get on his knees and propose to you?” Is the answer one year, two years, three years, four years or more. Any answer you pick will mean you only get so many attempts before you are ‘leftover Christmas cake’. This is a Japanese expression for girls that remain unmarried. Yell and scream as much as you will, but you cannot change biology.

‘Four years’ is a significant number. At four years, the male thinking process changes. When I meet an ‘interesting’ girl, I may become besotted with the girl. An image icon of the girl come to the front of my mind perhaps every twenty minutes of the day. I get these day-dream like experiences and a pleasant feeling flushes through my body. Everything she does is like magic. After four years, this evaporates and I have to make a decision, leave (run) or take a practical decision whether I wish to stay with this girl. It would be why I was tapped on the shoulder by my mother after a year and a half of togetherness with the question: “you have been going out for a year and a half. Don’t you think you should be getting married?” This is powerful support from parents for marriage that is less likely to occur in the new times. I warn girls that if it gets to four years, be aware that he may want to break up. If this happens, do not do anything stupid like disappear or jump into bed with another man. He may come crawling back on his hands and knees and beg you to take him back with a statement to the effect that “you were the best thing he ever had.” Just remember never to do anything to make him distrust your loyalty — ever — even in the rough times. That is why the marriage ceremony has “for better or for worse.” It is a partnership to look after each other.

I have just checked the common descriptions of ‘leftover Christmas cake’. Here is a typical definition: “In post-war Japan, “Christmas cake’ was a derogatory slang term for unmarried women over the age of 25. It compared single women to unsold Christmas cake that lost it’s value and desirability after December 25th.” Another comment is: ” ‘Christmas cake’ was used to refer to an unmarried woman who was over 25 and thus, considered past her prime.” Being the internet, there are numerous comments denouncing the use of the phrase. Societal pressure may be able to stop people from using the phrase but the underlying implication does not disappear. Females are at their most desirable between say the ages of eighteen and twenty-eight. It may be between eighteen and and twenty-three. It may be before that as marriages used to occur at earlier ages before modern times. Woman’s peak attractiveness may be at say twenty-one. I shall let you decide. But it falls slowly until say twenty-eight. It is close to disappearing by thirty-three or thirty-five. Unfortunately, nobody is telling girls this reality. Unfortunately, I have to state it. It is different for males. Girls at eighteen are quite wonderful. They are in good shape and have a positive outlook and energy. Nobody is telling girls that their psychology changes from eighteen to twenty-eight. Say hello to a girl at eighteen, and she swings round with wide bright eyes interested in conversation. There may also be an element of shyness and insecurity. Say hello to a girl of twenty-eight and you might get a scowl and maybe even an insult. There is a big difference. Eighteen-year-olds attract and twenty-eight-year-olds repel. This magnifies the dating problems as you age. Males, on the other hand, are hopeless at eighteen. They are scruffy, unkempt, and immature. By twenty-one, the boy has manned up. By twenty-eight, he is the full man. He has built a few assets and can hold down a profession. Girls will tend to choose a male slightly older as the older boy has greater stability and earning power and is thus able to support when needed. This is part of the nature of the animal kingdom. The female needs a male that will support her through the difficult times ahead which includes pregnancy birth and upbringing. In a civilized society, the earning power of the male is significant. When we became civilized, the rules changed. Before civilization, there were no rules on murder, rape, and theft. It is similar in the animal kingdom. There are no rules on murder, rape, and theft. There are no ‘moral codes’. There are no ‘rights’. The rules of civilization are supported by both the people and the state. I still cannot determine whether ‘human rights’ exist. People claim ‘rights’, but as soon as civil life degrades as in war, riot, or civil unrest, rights evaporate. So rights can only exist by force from any governing body. I cannot tell a lion not to eat me because I have ‘human rights’. I cannot tell a knife wielding lunatic not to stab me because I have ‘rights’. You cannot expect ‘rights’ to carry you through life. You are in this game and you will have to do what it takes to survive. You are bombarded by advice and propaganda from youth. Some of it is inappropriate. Feminism did you no favours. Who wants to work anyway? I am in Kiev, Ukraine. I will have to go back to Australia as I am needed for work. I would rather be traveling. We only work because we have to. We don’t even want to work seven days. We restrict it to five days. We look forward to the weekend. It was a fantastic feat of propaganda to get women to join the work force. Interestingly, it doubled the price of housing. Now it takes two incomes to survive.

It common for me to be asked dating advice by girls. To a certain extent, I let them practice on me. I set up the scenario so that they can play with my emotions. One girl, who was training to be a lawyer, said: “Andy. I am twenty-six, and I have never had a boyfriend. What am I doing wrong?” Another girl said: “Andy. I am twenty-three and I have never had a boyfriend. What am I doing wrong?” The answer is long and has many elements. I had to use short answer for the girls as time was of the essence. I shall give a short form in dot-point form before we go deeper.

• Too much logic.
• Failure to make ‘the’ move.
• Using words to communicate rather than emotion. If you cannot ‘mess with his emotions’, you will not hold him.
• Excessive expectations.
• Delusions of grandeur.
• Putting career ahead of family. Family first. Career second.
• Feminist ‘man-hate’ is driving the men into hiding.
• Men do not need women to satisfy their sexual needs due to porn. Women had a cartel on sex. Males could not get sex without wooing a girl. No girl would give sex unless the male committed to a life of serfdom. The serfdom was hidden behind patriarchy where it was pretended that males ran society. In reality, males ran society entirely for the benefit of women and children.

Some of these dot points overlap. Girls got sent to schools designed for boys. This started in the era of ‘equality’. Boys were taught to use words and logic to communicate. They were taught to ignore emotions. I can understand why. If males do not control emotions, there is a lot of biffo. To operate a civilized society, males need to control their emotions. This is to the advantage of females. Females are then more easily able to manipulate the emotions of a male such that she becomes his ‘joy of living’. I shall go as far as saying: “If a girl cannot manipulate the emotions of a male, she will not hold that male.” This is why girls practice emotional manipulation on their fathers. The father is effectively their first ‘boyfriend’. Fathers are important for girls. Fatherless girls have problems in future male relationships. A high proportion of girls in strip clubs and sex work in general come from fatherless families.