Shame
Dr. Gabor Maté wrote an interesting comment on shame in his book ‘When the Body Says No’. He stated:
Shame is the deepest of the “negative emotions,” a feeling we will do almost anything to avoid. Unfortunately, our abiding fear of shame impairs our ability to see reality.
Shame is a ‘self-conscious’ emotion. It is a perceived emotion, which we create by considering how we ‘think’ others perceive us. We might deduce that shame is not a primary emotion. Shame appears when we start having awareness of our role among others.
Shame is an unpleasant self-conscious emotion typically associated with a negative evaluation of ourself, our actions, or our thoughts.
Here are some typical definitions:
- Shame is a feeling of embarrassment or humiliation that arises from the perception of having done something dishonorable, immoral, or improper.
- A painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behaviour.
- Shame is an unpleasant self-conscious emotion often associated with negative self-evaluation. [1]
- Shame is a discrete, basic emotion, described as a moral or social emotion that drives people to hide or deny their wrongdoings.[1][2]
Shame causes us to focus ourself with respect to a particular audience. Shame can cause strong feelings of deficiency, defeat, inferiority, unworthiness, or self-loathing. Our attention turns inward; we isolate from our surroundings and withdraw into closed-off self-absorption. Shame causes us to feel alienated from others. The alienation can lead to self-deprecating thoughts. It is prone to cause inner anguish.[3]
If we are constantly shamed in our developing years, we can become conditioned to feel ashamed in similar situations even if we bear no responsibility.
The lack of guilt or remorse is a characteristic of psychopathy
Guilt and shame tend to occur together.
Shame is damaging to self-esteem. indicating that the higher the levels of shame, the lower the self-esteem, and the higher the self-esteem, the lower levels of shame in individuals.
There is also a strong negative correlation between shame and social connectedness. As levels of shame increase, feelings of social connectedness decreases.
Increased guilt is related to a decrease in social connectedness and high levels of social connectedness are correlated with decreased levels of guilt. It can become a habitual self-monitoring and self-condemnation state.
[1] Wikipedia