Negativity

I have a problem. When I look back on my past, I tend to remember the items that I stuffed up. I tend not to recall the accolades and praise received for work well done. I know that I generally get thanks, praise, and accolades for the activities and interactions that I have, but the items I got wrong and the occasional criticisms seem to dominate. I generally give my head and torso a not-so-gentle shake. The shudder seems to empty the brain of these thoughts and I can redirect to more beautiful thoughts.

I can counter with logic. The logic might say: “Most of what you did was good.” But then the logic might reason: “Why am I required to be good all the time? Not everybody believes in goodness.” Thus, the logic questions the need to be constantly good as in living up to expectations. Where did the expectations come from? I am suspicious that the expectations were pushed on to me in my upbringing. Why do I expect a high standard from myself? Others do not expect high standards from themselves.

Here is a blogger’s explanation of how she deals with negative thoughts:

After I table a negative thought, I spend time considering alternative thoughts that could be more productive.

• Instead of thinking that I’m stupid, I can think about the awesome things I’ve accomplished.

• Instead of thinking that I’m ugly, I can think about five things I like about myself — aesthetic or not.

• Instead of thinking that no one likes me, I can name people (or animals) who do like me — even better, I can call them up and have a conversation with them.

We may think that our negative thoughts are self-sabotage. If others are having similar thoughts, it is likely we are designed to analyze past errors of action so that we don’t repeat them. Thus we are struggling against our own self-preservation mechanism.

A web-search for ‘negative thoughts’ gives many results, so I have to assume that many have the same issue. I also assume people develop coping mechanisms. Here is how a blogger, Sean, deals with his negative thoughts:

I’ll be having a good day. Then something in my brain goes: “Let’s go down memory lane and list out every embarrassing moment you’ve ever had.”

I’m guessing and hoping that I’m not the only one who deals with this. The trick I’ve found. When I start picking myself apart, I’ll say out loud. “Sean – what are you doing. Stop.” I practice recognizing the thought pattern and cut it off. You’ll get better and better at it.

Another blogger advises:

“You need to consciously interfere in your thoughts. Analyse what you are thinking. If you find yourself thinking a negative thought, you need to stop yourself from thinking that thought.”

This is exactly what I do. The scientists in white coats may call it ‘positive self-talk’.

With negative thinking so prevalent, there is perhaps a reason. One scenario may be that our upbringing has caused us to be overly self-critical. I have a friend that fails at much that he attempts. He is a great bloke. When chatting, he explained that, when he stuffs up, he doesn’t get bothered by it. He says: “It is as it is.” I cannot emulate this but I respect his ability to do so. My observation as a high school teacher and whilst teaching people to use my database systems is that humans appear to make about one in twenty errors. This is five percent. It is not an accurate figure but it helps to comprehend my chance of making an error. I use this estimated error rate to encourage me to look for errors. If I make a decision, I reason that it has a five percent chance of being wrong. I can then look for the error in my thinking. Everything I do, I estimate a five percent chance of failure. This helps to reduce the error rate. However, it does not come close to simply saying: “It is as it is.”

The next scenario is that thinking of things that I got wrong is part of the way we are built. As a self-preservation tactic, it is wise to recall previous errors like walking on wet tiles and slipping. This is truly dangerous when traveling. I am in Odesa. News tells me that a bomb killed one person and injured two others last week. However, I still regard the wet tiles in the shower as a far more serious threat. If I slip and break a hip so far from home, I am truly stuffed.

Here is another blogger’s comment”

Whenever a negative thought strikes my mind, I immediately realize that it’s a little spark that can cause a huge fire in the coming moments. I identify it as a threat unless it is promoting the right action.

I’ve added these comments so you can see that negative thoughts are common and the standard cure is to force the mind onto more positive thoughts. You are not alone.

Just as I have negative thoughts, I recognize that others have the same issue. If I can turn people back to positive thoughts, I feel good. I get a double whammy. I make somebody else feel better, and feel better myself. This activity can happen unexpectedly and at any time. I remember sitting at a table of doctors. Doctors are generally held in high respect because they had to pass exams at a high level to enter medical college. Doctors are losing respect because they follow instructions from the criminally corrupt pharma. Pharmaceutical companies pay the largest fines in corporate history. The fines are primarily for fraudulent activity. I chatted about my theory of human error. Humans make errors at about five percent or one in twenty. If you are well below this, you are doing well. Errors will never be eliminated from your human activity, they can only be reduced. She was thankful for that thinking.